healthycrisis (healthycrisis) wrote,
healthycrisis
healthycrisis

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Congraduations!

Yo estoy muy triste! I just fucking graduated college. I am a college graduate. How miserable. Okay, so maybe it's not so bad, but I do feel a little down that I won't be starting my masters program in the fall. In fact, I have a whole year to commiserate the absence of a higher learning institution. The day itself went well. My cousin bought me a lovely new hat...yes I am finally trying to expand the collection beyond the two I previously wore on nearly constant basis. My parents gave me about a gazillion times more money than I expected, (which was unfortunately given with the age-old "spend wisely" stipulation, and an added something about buying a suit for interviews or some such). All this is a little disappointing considering how I really want to spend the money immediately on buying fun toys like an acoustic amp or a motorcycle. (p.s. I realize the motorcycle theme is more than a little played out, but the economy of 90 miles per gallon helps me think I might get over it eventually.) My grandmother, in typical grandmother style, gave me a card and a huge fucking stuffed red demon bulldog. She told me that she had won the thing at the fair and instantly thought that it would go perfectly in my house. Two problems with this: (1) my grandmother had never been to my house before my graduation party on Saturday, (2) I'm pretty sure I recognized that stuffed animal from a corner in her livingroom where it had been perched for approximately a year now. Hmmmm, I wonder if perhaps she was on her way out the door and thought...nope, I really can't imagine what she was thinking. (This gift is only surpassed by the time she gave me a burned copy of Brooks and Dunn's Stears and Stripes album, particularly when modern country is the only style of music I simply never listen to).

The day, as a whole, went very well. The ceremony was...a little disappointing. Basically, in the history of name fuck ups, mine was the absolute worst. Not only did they mess up all three of my names, but they didn't even get the gender down. Now, you all know I have short hair and side burns which, though not always, often signifies someone to be of a male sex. When I stepped on stage, however, the name read sounded something like "patricia hershelle braas". Not that could have known from my outward expression, but I was more angry at that moment than I have been in years. But I took the folder with no diploma in it, and sat back down, then left to find my parents hadn't even stayed to congratulate me, but had gone back to my house to relax or something. I was pretty fed up with the entire situation by that point, so I played angry music way too loud in my car, and drove too fast, and went to buy my mom a Mother's Day card. (I know that last part doesn't seem to fit, but I always have seemed to be comprised of a system of paradoxes.)

So now what? I think I'll stay around Columbia for awhile, work, pursue music. All of that. My best friend, Chelsea, is coming back from Spain in June, and I terribly excited to see her for the first time in almost a year, and then...the world I guess. Fuck, I don't know. I will get my masters, it is just a matter of where I suppose. Even though this little money making detour is completely scheduled, I still feel as though I am taking the easy way out somehow. I will be doing alot of things I really want to do, but I still feel like I am somehow falling short of my potential. I hate that feeling. I will say, however, life is good, and don't ever let me tell you different.
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